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Rejected Book Plots

“Not every book can be the next Twilight”

Tag Archives: Book Summary

March 31, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #365

I Can’t Believe It Either, But It’s Been A Year Or I Did It, How Do You Like Them Apples?

One year ago I thought it might be fun to start a blog where I wrote terrible ideas for books and movies and TV shows and really anything that popped into my head every single day for a year. Yes, I had just watched Julie and Julia and thought it is probably a heck of a lot easier to blog every day than to make every recipe in Julia Child’s cookbook. And just like that a blog was born.

I thought at the time that this blog would be a way to escape, to run away from myself, to finally do something from start to finish. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it past a few weeks. Like much I do in life, I figured I’d get bored or second guess myself or flat out be too lazy to stick with it but for some odd reason I felt compelled to finish. After awhile I stopped thinking I was writing to run away from myself but realized I was writing to find myself. Yeah, I know how corny that sounds. It’s like this quote I love “One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish” wait that’s not the one it’s “with writing we get second chances”. That’s what this was for me- It was my second chance to do something for the first time: follow through. Now I know not every day was a readable entry but that wasn’t really the point now was it?

So thank you for sticking it out. Thank you for dropping by. Thank you for not posting incredibly disheartening comments forever condeming me to a life devoid of follow through and empty dreams. I’m not leaving this blog forever but I am leaving it for now. It served its purpose.

I’d love to be able to tell you that this was a stepping stone to that novel I have half written on my laptop or the play I have the ending written but nothing else. Truth is, I don’t know what’s next. I do know that there is something, somewhere that will also get finished. Maybe my play will finally get some rising action instead of just a killer finale. Maybe one of my Rejected Book Plots will get flushed out and become an Accepted Book Plot. Maybe I’ll start a new blog called Accepted Book Plots where every day I will tell you the plot of something that has already been published until the authors get mad and shut it down. Or maybe you’ll never see another word written by me again. Maybe you will.

I know this for certain: it has only just begun.

 

Thanks for the memories! Keep In Touch! Have a nice summer! It was so great having Bio with you! Stay Sweet! I’m the first one to sign in your crack!

~Michell’

 

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March 29, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #363

Clifford The Big Red Dog Has a Thyroid Problem

“But Emily Elizabeth, I don’t want to go to the doctor” Clifford said in his big red dog voice.

“I know, Clifford but you are a pretty big, red dog. Maybe it is time to get checked out” said Emily Elizabeth in a reassuring tone only an optimistic eight year old can convey.

“But Emily Elizabeth, why do I have to go? I’ve been around since 1963 when Norma Bridwell first conceived me” Clifford said trying to talk his way out of the doctor’s appointment.

“I didn’t want to pull this card, but I do own you Clifford. Dogs haven’t been emancipated so you must do as I say” Emily Elizabeth jested.

“Yes, master” Clifford said obediently.

…

The next day Clifford and Emily Elizabeth go to the doctor.

“Well, Clifford- you are much too large for your size. It is a good thing you came in when you did. Let’s run some tests” said Doctor I Have A Degree From Harvard.

“Thank you, doctor” Emily Elizabeth said in a thanking tone.

“Is it cancer?” Clifford asked not knowing what cancer was other than it took the lives of his grandmother and distant aunt.

“Maybe” Doctor I Have A Degree From Harvard quipped.

…

Three days later the test results were in.

“It’s not cancer. But it is a thyroid issue” Doctor I Have A Degree From Harvard said looking at Clifford’s chart.

“Thank you, doctor” Emily Elizabeth said in a thanking tone.

The End.

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March 28, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #362

Peeta: The Unauthorized Biography Told Through The Eyes Of Gail

Hi, my name’s Peeta and I come from a family of bakers and once I gave Katniss some burnt bread to save her life and then never told her how I felt about her until it was convenient for me. Thinking about it now, she should really be with Gail. I’m not the guy for her. She deserves someone who she’s hunted with and trusted most of her life. Not someone who fought in multiple Hunger Games with her and saved her life on numerous occasions in the name of love. No, she deserves Gail. Now that’s a real man. I’m going to go break up with her right now and insist she get with Gail. It is the right thing to do.

Peeta: The Unauthorized Biography Told Through The Eyes Of Gail is the story of one man who doesn’t get the girl so journals about the guy who does and then envisions him breaking up with her so they could finally be together. It is totally normal and healthy.

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March 19, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #353

Prohibition Smohibition

I first started traveling through history to learn about other cultures and times and really remember just how much better I am than everyone else. I mean, I live in the time of jet packs and TIME TRAVEL!! It’s great that you built an airplane and all but get back to me when that plane flies through dimensions. So when my TTM (Time Traveling Machine) broke down in the 1920’s I thought it can’t be that bad. I could hang out in some jazz bars and go home with a few flappers until I could get my TTM fixed. Did you know there was a time where alcohol was outlawed?!?! What the what? Why would anyone want to ban booze?

Prohibition Smohibition is the story of one time traveling man who got stuck in history without his trusty friends Jack, Jose and Jimmy. Can he make it out alive? Will he learn a lesson before the stock market crashes?

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March 16, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #350

Rejected Book Plot’s 350th Episode!

It feels like only 350 days ago that Rejected Book Plots got its start. Can you believe how time has flied? What is a 350th episode without a look back at some of its “greater” moments.**

Abe or Abrahat, as his friends used to call him, loved many things: sketching, black women, the theatre but none more than his collection of hats.

Tom: Can you believe what an asshole I was five years ago? I would refer to myself as “a quarter of a century”.

When Al Qaeda declared laughing a sin against Allah, America couldn’t just sit idly by. We sent a lot of good men to die in that war… of laughter. Being the class clown Jack couldn’t just let this injustice slide without fighting, comedy was in his blood and his blood ran red, white and blue. Against the pleas of his wife, Jack enlisted to fight in the great War on Hilarity.

Based in part on the hit young adult novel,THE HUNGER GAMES, contestants will be pitted against each other where the steaks (Wordplay!) are life and death. Each week, 12 chefs will have three hours to go into the woods to collect their food and come back to the Food Network test kitchen to prepare their newly caught ingredients for the Capitol judges.

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I’ve always said, you forgot to account for salminilla, the way to his heart is through his ears. And just like that- Mix Tape Girl was born!

 **To be fair, I randomly picked five old blogs, highlighted random parts, hyperlinked edgy words to plots I didn’t even take the quote from and called it a look back at some of its “greater” moments. But it didn’t turn out as bad this post. You’re welcome, America.**

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March 15, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #349

The Kool-Aid Man: High School Edition

The Kool-Aid Man wasn’t always the kool man (eh? WORD PLAY!) you know today. There was a time when Gerald was just like any kid in High School, getting mocked for his red color and high fructose corn syrup to water ratio. Don’t even get me started on how he was relentlessly ridiculed for the way he entered a room. Those kids just didn’t understand that Gerald couldn’t fit through a normal door and his grandmother told him that if he entered the wall with moxie and a catchphrase then kids would love him. They did not.

One day after Gerald found the phrase “OH YEAH!” written on his locker he came home crying to his grandmother (Gerald’s parents had died in a horrific car accident when he was six, so it was just him and Gam-Gam) only it was freezing out and his tears turned into delicious popsicles of amazingness. His neighbor, and coolest kid in school, Jackson saw Gerald crying and went to mock him but at that exact moment Gerald knew he couldn’t take it anymore. The two boys began to fight and it in midst of all the brawling Jackson accidentally got a taste of Gerald’s frozen tears. This was such an amazingly unexpected treat that Jackson made a deal with Gerald, keep freezing his tears for the brutal summer months and he would never pick on him again. That was the day Gerald went from being the most terrorized kid in school to the Kool-Aid Man he is today.

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March 11, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #345

I Don’t Want To Alarm You, But We Lost An Hour

I know time is an illusion and all but when you think you’ll have nothing but it, things can get a little crazy when you lose it. I went to bed last night and everything was normal, I woke up today and it was gone. Who’s to say I couldn’t have cured cancer in that hour?

I Don’t Want To Alarm You, But We Lost An Hour is a collection of short stories all about what people think they could have accomplished if not for Daylight Savings. In first person narrative, you’ll hear such tales as Benjamin being able to unclog the sink and Judy finally finishing that cat puzzle that has been on her table for THREE days now. Could Joshua really have baked the perfect pie, we’ll never know now!

 

 

 

 

**This is how I imagine everyone feels about Daylight Savings. Being from Arizona, I just have to imagine what this awful day must feel like for you all, I’m sorry you are going through such a rough transition, Internet.**

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March 9, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #343

The Lazy Day

Once upon a time there was a sloth. This sloth didn’t feel like getting out of bed. So he didn’t. And it was amazing.

The End

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March 5, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #339

The Sound Of Settling: Bridget Joneses Diary 3

*Please read this in a British accent as a voiceover*

The older I get the shorter my list of “must haves” for potential suitors becomes. I’ve given up on thinking that I will get my happily ever after, I’m just hoping for something better than an indie film ending. I mean, did the screen really just go black after the girl you have been pining over the entire film looks back at you from across the room? How is that an ending? It seems more like a beginning.

So out with the men over six feet, in with any man of any size. Out with the need for a sense of humor, in with a guy who has a car. Out with a guy with a car, in with any guy. Literally any guy will do.

Join Bridget as she goes on a quest to get married. With standards this low, hilarity has never been so high!

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March 3, 2012 Rejected Book Plot #338

It’s All Been Done Before But Never In This Order

Today’s Rejected Book Plot is going to test everything you’ve never thought of before. I will be taking lines from previously published works and creating an entirely new story from it. It’ll be like the Mad Libs of Rejected Book Plots. Or it’ll be like me taking quotes I love from books I love and pretending I wrote them by putting them in new orders and out of context and without any regard for the actual author. (Except my sincere “great job, man and/or woman on publishing such a stellar book”)

FUN GAME: I’ll put a number next to each new quote and you try and guess the book it is from!

Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. (1) I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack. (2) Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future (3). He took a sip of my father’s weak coffee and spit it back into the mug.

“This shit’s like making love in a canoe.”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s fucking near water.” (4)

A great numb feeling washes over me as I let go of the past and look forward to the future. Pretend to be a vampire. I don’t really need to pretend, because it’s who I am, an emotional vampire. I’ve just come to expect it. Vampires are real. That I was born this way. That I feed off of other people’s real emotions. Search for this night’s prey. Who will it be? (5)  This planet has a problem, which is this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. (6) It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. (7) The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you. (8) Dignity is an affectation, cute but eccentric, like learning French or collecting scarves. My feeling is that if you’re not self-obsessed you’re probably boring. (9) To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair. (10)

 

 

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