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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

Tag Archives: Music

I Can’t Believe It Either, But It’s Been A Year Or I Did It, How Do You Like Them Apples?

One year ago I thought it might be fun to start a blog where I wrote terrible ideas for books and movies and TV shows and really anything that popped into my head every single day for a year. Yes, I had just watched Julie and Julia and thought it is probably a heck of a lot easier to blog every day than to make every recipe in Julia Child’s cookbook. And just like that a blog was born.

I thought at the time that this blog would be a way to escape, to run away from myself, to finally do something from start to finish. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it past a few weeks. Like much I do in life, I figured I’d get bored or second guess myself or flat out be too lazy to stick with it but for some odd reason I felt compelled to finish. After awhile I stopped thinking I was writing to run away from myself but realized I was writing to find myself. Yeah, I know how corny that sounds. It’s like this quote I love “One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish” wait that’s not the one it’s “with writing we get second chances”. That’s what this was for me- It was my second chance to do something for the first time: follow through. Now I know not every day was a readable entry but that wasn’t really the point now was it?

So thank you for sticking it out. Thank you for dropping by. Thank you for not posting incredibly disheartening comments forever condeming me to a life devoid of follow through and empty dreams. I’m not leaving this blog forever but I am leaving it for now. It served its purpose.

I’d love to be able to tell you that this was a stepping stone to that novel I have half written on my laptop or the play I have the ending written but nothing else. Truth is, I don’t know what’s next. I do know that there is something, somewhere that will also get finished. Maybe my play will finally get some rising action instead of just a killer finale. Maybe one of my Rejected Book Plots will get flushed out and become an Accepted Book Plot. Maybe I’ll start a new blog called Accepted Book Plots where every day I will tell you the plot of something that has already been published until the authors get mad and shut it down. Or maybe you’ll never see another word written by me again. Maybe you will.

I know this for certain: it has only just begun.


Thanks for the memories! Keep In Touch! Have a nice summer! It was so great having Bio with you! Stay Sweet! I’m the first one to sign in your crack!




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Rejected Book Plot’s 350th Episode!

It feels like only 350 days ago that Rejected Book Plots got its start. Can you believe how time has flied? What is a 350th episode without a look back at some of its “greater” moments.**

Abe or Abrahat, as his friends used to call him, loved many things: sketching, black women, the theatre but none more than his collection of hats.

Tom: Can you believe what an asshole I was five years ago? I would refer to myself as “a quarter of a century”.

When Al Qaeda declared laughing a sin against Allah, America couldn’t just sit idly by. We sent a lot of good men to die in that war… of laughter. Being the class clown Jack couldn’t just let this injustice slide without fighting, comedy was in his blood and his blood ran red, white and blue. Against the pleas of his wife, Jack enlisted to fight in the great War on Hilarity.

Based in part on the hit young adult novel,THE HUNGER GAMES, contestants will be pitted against each other where the steaks (Wordplay!) are life and death. Each week, 12 chefs will have three hours to go into the woods to collect their food and come back to the Food Network test kitchen to prepare their newly caught ingredients for the Capitol judges.

They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I’ve always said, you forgot to account for salminilla, the way to his heart is through his ears. And just like that- Mix Tape Girl was born!

 **To be fair, I randomly picked five old blogs, highlighted random parts, hyperlinked edgy words to plots I didn’t even take the quote from and called it a look back at some of its “greater” moments. But it didn’t turn out as bad this post. You’re welcome, America.**

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ABBA’s Slow But Widely Successful Plan To Take Over The World

You may remember ABBA from the 80’s as the band that inspired an entire generation to Take A Chance On Me or as the band that encouraged women all around to be the Dancing Queen but what you may not know is ABBA’s plan to take over the world. Sure their music is infectious, that’s the point. Sure, you think the Swedish wouldn’t dare do a thing like brainwash and implant their own neutral agenda into their music. But you’d be wrong. I wasn’t always sure and thought maybe I was just going a little crazy but ever since ABBA has worked its way into the radio station at work I know it to be true. After all, you can change your mind, I’m the first in line. Baby I’m still fr-DAMNIT ABBA you’ve done it again!

ABBA’s Slow But Widely Successful Plan To Take Over The World is the mystery novel you never saw coming. Can ABBA fulfill its plan to take over the world or will society rise up against this pop disaster? Will I ever get the song Take A Chance On Me out of my head or am I doomed to relive it over and over until my brain melts?

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Sweet Disposition: A Play in One Act

Curtain rises as Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap begins to play. You see a woman and man fighting in the distance. Woman storms out of house. It begins to rain.

Cut to man in house angry and then notices a picture of happier times between woman and man on the mantel. You see recognition of said happier time in face followed by regret that he let woman walk out. Panic ensues and you know he must chase after her or risk losing her forever.

Next scene man is running in the rain after the woman who parked blocks away because parking on man’s street is nearly impossible. Woman is crying. Man finally catches up to woman, kisses her deeply. They get married and have children and live relatively happily ever after.

Song ends.

Fade to black.

Sweet Disposition: A Play in One Act is the play I just wrote about the song  Sweet Disposition, it has no words much like the critically acclaimed movie The Artist. Naturally I expect this will win numerous Tony Awards. You’re welcome, America.

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Songs I Thought Were Sweet, Until I Listened To The Lyrics: A-D Edition

Chills by Ben Lee

You give me chills (awe) and then you leave me cold (ouch).

Nothing Lasts Forever by Brett Dennen

Brett Dennen is such a tease, I always think he is going to sing sweet and make me fall in love with him and then he ends a song on this note: nothing last forever, not even the sun. For all we know it could have burned out light years ago, darkness remains the hardest thing for us to outrun. Way to bum me out, Brett.

Someday You Will Be Loved by Death Cab For Cutie

This is one of those songs you think will be super sweet and it almost is. Who wouldn’t want to song written about them that tells you that you’re great and will totally be loved…just not by that person. Awe yet, ouch.

You Will. You? Will. You? Will… by Bright Eyes

This one is the worst offender: You say I treat you like a book up on the shelf, I don’t take you out that often cause I know that I’ve completed you, and that’s why you are here. That’s the reason you are here, how awful that must feel. Who hasn’t felt like that before? I love that lyric because it so clearly describes the way you never want to feel but often do. This song breaks my heart.

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The Mix Tape Consequence

Dear Advice Lady,

I made a mix tape for a guy I thought I liked and now I don’t know where we stand. I thought any time you put Matt Nathanson on a mix it was clear your intentions, now I’m as confused as ever. WHAT DO I DO?!?


Confused in Colorado


Dear Confused in Colorado,

First things first: only make a mix tape for someone you truly care about. Girls these days are too quick to give out their mix tape to any Tom, Dick or Harry that comes their way. Don’t do that! Mainly because you don’t know the repercussions that mix tape could have on your future relationship. One day you may be minding your own business and two months after the mix tape was received and already commented on for being awesome (which is should be, NEVER give out a sub-par mix tape. No matter how tired you are) it becomes open to speculation. You may receive such messages as “why did you put song three on this mix? I have to know!” Are you really prepared to answer that? ARE YOU? Until you can be honest with a guy about why Kiss Quick by Matt Nathanson is song number three then you just aren’t ready to be giving up your mix.

Stay sweet,

Advice Lady

On next week’s column, Advice Lady tackles what to do if two people are after the same parking spot and the guy gives it to you- does that mean he is your soul mate and you’re meant to be wed?


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A Year In Song

Every year I make a soundtrack to accompany my memories of the previous year. The rules are simple: 15 songs that when you hear will evoke emotions from that year. The songs don’t have to be released in that year (mine almost never are) just songs that when you listen to you’ll have no choice but to remember the events of that year.

Now 2011 was a rough year for me, it’s no secret that I was in a dead end job I miserably hated and that dead end job laid me off out of nowhere forcing me into the world of other individuals. I didn’t know it at the time but that company laying me off was the nicest thing they’ve ever done for me. I’m not saying I want to work at a bank for the rest of my life but I am saying I no longer have to set my alarm clock a half an hour earlier than I actually have to wake up just to talk myself into getting out of bed, convincing myself that the world won’t, in fact, cave in around me. At this new job I’ve met some people I’m convinced I will know the rest of my life, which in itself is pretty awesome.

This year I also started this blogging venture, which has been great. Yes, not every post is great but it has given me some structure. I know that every day whether I want to or not, I have to write. Even if it is to tell you, dear internet, that I won’t be writing anything of consequence. So most of my year in song is about change and how terrible things happen and how those terrible things save you. I hope you enjoy. But let’s be honest: this year in song is mine not yours so even if you don’t enjoy, I’m okay with that. If you make your own year in song, please share it with me- I’m always looking for new tunes! P.S. If you read this from a computer and not your cellular telephone you’ll be able to hear the songs too!

  1. About Today- The National “Today, you were far away and I didn’t ask you why. What could I say? I was far away.” The National is always good for amazing lyrics and I feel like this year more than anything I was far away.
  2. The Work- Frightened Rabbit What’s a year in song without Frightened Rabbit? For me, it isn’t one. The same day I got laid off was also the same day of the Death Cab/Frightened Rabbit concert. It was also the same night they debuted their new song The Work. “When the work stops working, what was light becomes a weight.” Touche, FR, touche.
  3. Robots- Dan Mangan If you know me, even a little, you’ll know the only thing that could make this song more perfect would be if it was also about dinosaurs!
  4. You and Me- Penny and the Quarters Have you seen Blue Valentine? No? Do you like movies that bum you out so much you want to start cutting yourself? Well, this is the theme song for that movie. It, unless you’ve seen the film, is surprisingly upbeat.
  5. Monday Morning- Death Cab for Cutie Death Cab’s latest album is the best it has been in years and I played the crap out of this song. “She may be young but she only likes old things. And modern music it ain’t to her taste. She loves the natural light, captured in black and white.” Have you been reading my journal, Ben Gibbard?!? Also, I’m still SUPER sad about your break up with Zooey.
  6. Comeback Kid (That’s My Dog)- Brett Dennen “Maybe it’s the common curse maybe things get bad before they get worse. I don’t want to become someone that can’t live up to what I’ve already done.” This was my anthem when I was looking for a new job. Also, try and not dance along to this song. JUST TRY!
  7. Inventing Shadows- Dia Frampton So, here’s the thing: I really liked The Voice. Like a lot. I don’t do reality show competitions but two seconds of Blake Shelton’s southern charm and Adam Levine’s attractiveness how could you not fall in love with the show? I soon discovered Dia’s band with her sister Meg and Dia and picking just one song to add to my mix was a challenge. Check them out if you get a chance.
  8. The Sound- Paper Route This is my new favorite winter song. I think from the time I discovered them in mid-November to now I have played this song a good 52 times.
  9. Blue Skies- Noah and the Whale I’m not going to pretend like the first half of my year wasn’t a super depressing time for me. I wanted nothing but to be happy and just didn’t know how. This song got A LOT of play. “I’d do anything to be happy.”
  10. Half Moon- Blind Pilot I love Blind Pilot something fierce and I was lucky enough to see them in concert back in October and they did not disappoint. This is the kind of song you listen to late at night, on an empty freeway, with the windows down… Or while getting ready in the morning… Or when making dinner… OK, any time.
  11. Living a Lie!- Daniel Zott I feel like at any point in time this song can pertain to you. This year was my year. “I’m a hell of a guy, living a hell of a lie.”
  12. Kiss Quick- Matt Nathanson I was lucky enough to see Matt in concert (yeah, from August to October I saw: Death Cab, Frightened Rabbit, Garfunkel & Oates (twice!), Demetri Martin, Dan Mangan, Blind Pilot, The Avett Brothers and Matt Nathanson- it was an indie lovers dream!) Matt’s latest album was pretty amazing from start to finish but there is something about this fairy tale song that I couldn’t stop playing.
  13. When You Find Me- Joshua Radin This song is the number one most played song on my iTunes (133 plays). It is kind of the perfect statement on how when you find your person, you really find yourself. Or so I hear, I’m still looking. “I need you to know, today- I’ll wait for you always. Can’t you see, that when I find you, I’ll find me.
  14. The Times Are A-Changin’- Bob Dylan Is there a better “I was laid off and whether I like it or not everything is about to change and that you have to change with it” song than this Dylan masterpiece? Didn’t think so. This was the song I just said, okay bring on the much needed, overdo change.
  15. Fuck It All- Childish Gambino This song is not appropriate for everyone. However, every year in song has to have one ghetto song and this one is it. This is the song I listened to during my anger phase of the lay off. It helped me get over it with verses like “People say I’ve changed and I tell them that I’m glad ’cause I don’t want to stay the same. ‘Cause I used to be poor, I used to be unconfident. I used to hate these haters now it’s just the opposite. Not only have I changed I’m becoming something better and revenge is for the weak so I’ve settled my vendettas.”

Yes, this year was largely defined by being super unhappy at a job and having that job lay me off and then how something as simple as finding a new job can change everything. I have nothing but anticipation for 2012. 2011 grew me up in a major way and I cannot wait to see where I go from here. I hope everyone stays safe tonight and ends the year on a positive note- I know I will.

2012- I’m coming for you in a big way. I hope you’re ready for me!

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