Category Archives: Humor
I Can’t Believe It Either, But It’s Been A Year Or I Did It, How Do You Like Them Apples?
One year ago I thought it might be fun to start a blog where I wrote terrible ideas for books and movies and TV shows and really anything that popped into my head every single day for a year. Yes, I had just watched Julie and Julia and thought it is probably a heck of a lot easier to blog every day than to make every recipe in Julia Child’s cookbook. And just like that a blog was born.
I thought at the time that this blog would be a way to escape, to run away from myself, to finally do something from start to finish. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it past a few weeks. Like much I do in life, I figured I’d get bored or second guess myself or flat out be too lazy to stick with it but for some odd reason I felt compelled to finish. After awhile I stopped thinking I was writing to run away from myself but realized I was writing to find myself. Yeah, I know how corny that sounds. It’s like this quote I love “One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish” wait that’s not the one it’s “with writing we get second chances”. That’s what this was for me- It was my second chance to do something for the first time: follow through. Now I know not every day was a readable entry but that wasn’t really the point now was it?
So thank you for sticking it out. Thank you for dropping by. Thank you for not posting incredibly disheartening comments forever condeming me to a life devoid of follow through and empty dreams. I’m not leaving this blog forever but I am leaving it for now. It served its purpose.
I’d love to be able to tell you that this was a stepping stone to that novel I have half written on my laptop or the play I have the ending written but nothing else. Truth is, I don’t know what’s next. I do know that there is something, somewhere that will also get finished. Maybe my play will finally get some rising action instead of just a killer finale. Maybe one of my Rejected Book Plots will get flushed out and become an Accepted Book Plot. Maybe I’ll start a new blog called Accepted Book Plots where every day I will tell you the plot of something that has already been published until the authors get mad and shut it down. Or maybe you’ll never see another word written by me again. Maybe you will.
I know this for certain: it has only just begun.
Thanks for the memories! Keep In Touch! Have a nice summer! It was so great having Bio with you! Stay Sweet! I’m the first one to sign in your crack!
Please Don’t Let Me Die In A Fiery Car Crash And Have My Headline Read ‘Died While Listening To The High School Musical 2 Soundtrack”
Sometimes the only thing that makes sense is blasting musical numbers in your car and singing all the parts, Miranda thought to herself as she drove down the slick wintery road not knowing what fate had in store for her. Just as she got to Zac Efron’s pleading verse a car came out of no where and hit the driver’s side of her 1998 Impala. She was dead on impact.
Please Don’t Let Me Die In A Fiery Car Crash And Have My Headline Read ‘Died While Listening To The High School Musical 2 Soundtrack” is the story of the grief one dead girl gets by listening to High School Musical 2 without having a tween in the back seat. The humiliation her family faces, you would think she were a Bin Laden. Her boyfriend will deny they were ever together. Her parents will have to move from the shame and dirty looks they receive any time they dare leave the house. You can bet on it that is this one story as old as time. Will her family ever be more than the parents of the girl who died while listening to the High School Musical 2 Soundtrack? Will her boyfriend ever find love again or is he forever branded as the man who dated the girl who died while listening to the High School Musical 2 Soundtrack?
Clifford The Big Red Dog Has a Thyroid Problem
“I know, Clifford but you are a pretty big, red dog. Maybe it is time to get checked out” said Emily Elizabeth in a reassuring tone only an optimistic eight year old can convey.
“But Emily Elizabeth, why do I have to go? I’ve been around since 1963 when Norma Bridwell first conceived me” Clifford said trying to talk his way out of the doctor’s appointment.
“I didn’t want to pull this card, but I do own you Clifford. Dogs haven’t been emancipated so you must do as I say” Emily Elizabeth jested.
“Yes, master” Clifford said obediently.
The next day Clifford and Emily Elizabeth go to the doctor.
“Well, Clifford- you are much too large for your size. It is a good thing you came in when you did. Let’s run some tests” said Doctor I Have A Degree From Harvard.
“Thank you, doctor” Emily Elizabeth said in a thanking tone.
“Is it cancer?” Clifford asked not knowing what cancer was other than it took the lives of his grandmother and distant aunt.
“Maybe” Doctor I Have A Degree From Harvard quipped.
Three days later the test results were in.
“It’s not cancer. But it is a thyroid issue” Doctor I Have A Degree From Harvard said looking at Clifford’s chart.
“Thank you, doctor” Emily Elizabeth said in a thanking tone.
Peeta: The Unauthorized Biography Told Through The Eyes Of Gail
Hi, my name’s Peeta and I come from a family of bakers and once I gave Katniss some burnt bread to save her life and then never told her how I felt about her until it was convenient for me. Thinking about it now, she should really be with Gail. I’m not the guy for her. She deserves someone who she’s hunted with and trusted most of her life. Not someone who fought in multiple Hunger Games with her and saved her life on numerous occasions in the name of love. No, she deserves Gail. Now that’s a real man. I’m going to go break up with her right now and insist she get with Gail. It is the right thing to do.
Peeta: The Unauthorized Biography Told Through The Eyes Of Gail is the story of one man who doesn’t get the girl so journals about the guy who does and then envisions him breaking up with her so they could finally be together. It is totally normal and healthy.
The Game of After LIFE
Never has the afterlife been so much fun! Take turns navigating your way through purgatory, picking up dead family members along the way. Will grandpa be an asset on your journey to the white light or will his constant need for a bathroom break slow you down?
Start at Heaven or Hell- the choice is yours! Just like in the game of LIFE you’ll go through collecting money and experiences that will guide you on your journey to forever.
Fun for the entire family, you won’t be able to wait until you die in a fiery crash or from a long battle with cancer. Earn extra points in the After LIFE from standing by a dying family member’s side. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you won’t want it to end.
The Shins Decide On A Band Name
Alright guys, thank you for coming tonight. Now as you know I’m leaving Flake Music and want you guys to join my superhero band…Did I superhero? We can get to that later. In the meantime we need a kick ass band name that will make Flake Music sound like something that happens when you shake the cereal box around. So just throw some names at me.
We’re from New Mexico, think something that will resonate with everyone.
Banana Peels Aren’t Really That Slippery!
Okay, I like where your head is at but maybe something a little shorter.
A Little Shorter!
Very funny, Jesse. But let’s get real. What is something that everyone has?
Faces! Arms! Feelings!
That’s it! The Shins. Case closed.
Mad Men Season 5: Predictions
Don will marry that french secretary whore so he will have someone to watch the kids but realize the reason he is sleeping with so many woman is because he can’t find fulfillment in it. That is until a new intern whipper snapper Charlie Dupont joins his firm. Is 1965 ready for a gay Don? Is America?
Peggy will come to grips with the fact it is a man’s world and instead of fighting it she will rejoice in it. Peggy will win first prize at a casserole cook-off in the offices of Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce.
Pete will remember he is Angel’s son and doesn’t belong in the 60’s but rather in modern-day taking down the vampires that give his father a bad name.
Joan’s husband is no dummy and realizes his baby is actually Rogers. However, this would hurt his pride tremendously so he says nothing. Joan continues to teach young women how to dress and make copies.
Betty gets hit by a bus and dies.
Roger will continue to look less handsome next to Don and smoke like a fish. He will also coin the term “smoke like a fish”.
Here’s to a great season!!