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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

Tag Archives: Woody Allen

I Can’t Believe It Either, But It’s Been A Year Or I Did It, How Do You Like Them Apples?

One year ago I thought it might be fun to start a blog where I wrote terrible ideas for books and movies and TV shows and really anything that popped into my head every single day for a year. Yes, I had just watched Julie and Julia and thought it is probably a heck of a lot easier to blog every day than to make every recipe in Julia Child’s cookbook. And just like that a blog was born.

I thought at the time that this blog would be a way to escape, to run away from myself, to finally do something from start to finish. To be honest, I didn’t think I’d make it past a few weeks. Like much I do in life, I figured I’d get bored or second guess myself or flat out be too lazy to stick with it but for some odd reason I felt compelled to finish. After awhile I stopped thinking I was writing to run away from myself but realized I was writing to find myself. Yeah, I know how corny that sounds. It’s like this quote I love “One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish” wait that’s not the one it’s “with writing we get second chances”. That’s what this was for me- It was my second chance to do something for the first time: follow through. Now I know not every day was a readable entry but that wasn’t really the point now was it?

So thank you for sticking it out. Thank you for dropping by. Thank you for not posting incredibly disheartening comments forever condeming me to a life devoid of follow through and empty dreams. I’m not leaving this blog forever but I am leaving it for now. It served its purpose.

I’d love to be able to tell you that this was a stepping stone to that novel I have half written on my laptop or the play I have the ending written but nothing else. Truth is, I don’t know what’s next. I do know that there is something, somewhere that will also get finished. Maybe my play will finally get some rising action instead of just a killer finale. Maybe one of my Rejected Book Plots will get flushed out and become an Accepted Book Plot. Maybe I’ll start a new blog called Accepted Book Plots where every day I will tell you the plot of something that has already been published until the authors get mad and shut it down. Or maybe you’ll never see another word written by me again. Maybe you will.

I know this for certain: it has only just begun.


Thanks for the memories! Keep In Touch! Have a nice summer! It was so great having Bio with you! Stay Sweet! I’m the first one to sign in your crack!




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It’s All Been Done Before But Never In This Order

Today’s Rejected Book Plot is going to test everything you’ve never thought of before. I will be taking lines from previously published works and creating an entirely new story from it. It’ll be like the Mad Libs of Rejected Book Plots. Or it’ll be like me taking quotes I love from books I love and pretending I wrote them by putting them in new orders and out of context and without any regard for the actual author. (Except my sincere “great job, man and/or woman on publishing such a stellar book”)

FUN GAME: I’ll put a number next to each new quote and you try and guess the book it is from!

Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once. (1) I once loved a girl who almost loved me, but not as much as she loved John Cusack. (2) Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future (3). He took a sip of my father’s weak coffee and spit it back into the mug.

“This shit’s like making love in a canoe.”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s fucking near water.” (4)

A great numb feeling washes over me as I let go of the past and look forward to the future. Pretend to be a vampire. I don’t really need to pretend, because it’s who I am, an emotional vampire. I’ve just come to expect it. Vampires are real. That I was born this way. That I feed off of other people’s real emotions. Search for this night’s prey. Who will it be? (5)  This planet has a problem, which is this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movement of small green pieces of paper, which was odd because on the whole it wasn’t the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. (6) It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace. (7) The truth will set you free. But not until it is finished with you. (8) Dignity is an affectation, cute but eccentric, like learning French or collecting scarves. My feeling is that if you’re not self-obsessed you’re probably boring. (9) To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair. (10)



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An Open Letter To Woody Allen

Dear Woody,

Sure, we’re 50 years apart and you’re super famous and smart and have a whit about you that is unmatched but why don’t you love me back? I think I could make you happy. I love your movies, especially the earlier funny ones. I hope this Adele song will express my undying love for you. I’m sure you know, not everyone feels the way I do. In fact, my opinion is wildly unpopular amongst my friends but I don’t care. They say you can’t help who you fall for and I’ve hit the ground with a splat. Give me a shot, I know I’m no ScarJo but I can dye my hair. (I’m not going to dye my hair but just the fact I said I would should garner some points, yes?)

Don’t forget me.



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New York I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down

In Woody Allen’s 48th directorial showing comes a look at one man and his unashamed love for New York and women old enough to be his step-daughter (Hey-Oh!). Woody plays a man much like himself- genius, dry, witty- the typical Woody (Annie Hall Woody not Antz Woody). Scarlett plays a woman with deep-rooted daddy issues (Is it just me or does Woody make her a good actress and everything else she’s in kind of blows?). When they come together magic ensues.

George (Allen) is a failing playwright with three ex-wives and one last shot to make it in the city so nice they named it twice. Helen (Johansson) is a wanna be actress who gets casts in George’s latest fiasco. Can George and Helen take Broadway by storm or will this be just another disappointing write up on Page 6? As the two work together to make the play a hit, they fall for each other despite being in separate, age-appropriate relationships. When the line of professionalism and personalism blur can the audience believe Helen would ever fall for an old man like George no matter how genius he is?

New York I Love You, But You’re Bringing Me Down is another in a long line of Woody Allen films in which he is too old to land the leading lady but that is so brilliantly written that I will see it no matter how unbelievable I find it.

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