Rejected Book Plots

(White) ((Female)) Rapper’s Lament*

*Not for the faint of heart or children or my grandmother.

Yeah I run this office and I guess that I look young,

But you will respect me or just hold your mother fucking tongue.

You talk down to me like I’m a fucking child,

But trust me bitch, I’m too old for girls gone wild.

Just ’cause you’re old and unhappy doesn’t mean that it’s my fault.

Got to get your shit together,

Lock that pain up in vault.

Do you think you’re the only one whose plans didn’t work out?

You’re not. Only difference is, I don’t fucking pout.

I’m making a change and it’s starting today

I’m going places, gonna get a payday.

…not the candy bar, where the hell do you think you are?

This ain’t no 7-11 and no I’ve never read The Five People You Meet in Heaven

I’m not a George Costanza

This ain’t no western like Bonanza.

If my life were like a movie I’d be the Judy Greer,

Always the best friend, not the star but I’m here.

I know it’s not forever and things are bound to change,

Which is nice since everything around me feels fucking strange.

This day isn’t over, it’s only just beginning

If I had my way I’d be like Charlie Sheen and start winning.

I hate it here like Wilco,

When I was young I loved Steve Martin in Sgt. Bilko.

Sure I was a latchkey kid, but we did the best we could

Didn’t live in a mansion but it wasn’t the fucking hood.

Every day we get stronger or we lay down to die

All I know is I’m better than Jessica Alba in The Eye

What am I saying? Us ladies have got to stick together,

It is up to us to change things in this messed up world for the better.

Look at how far we’ve come but we ain’t through yet

There are so many places to go, people we haven’t met.

In case you don’t get it, I’m through with people’s shit

Unlike the other times this feeling is legit.

To sum it up for you haters I may be young and female,

But I’m coming after you, when? Only time will tell.

If you still don’t get it, y’all can go to hell.

If it means that much to you, contact me on my gmail.

 (I’m in need of a beat, if interested please drop one like it is hot and title it “Scared little white girl tries to rap her problems out like fucking Eminem but worse, much worse”)

Tags: Book Summary, humor, Rap, Satire, White Girl Problems