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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

Tag Archives: Juno

The Snarky Games

In a world where snarky teenage kids are portrayed in popular culture more often than Pepsi product placement, it has become clear that something must be done. So finally Miramax has stood up for the common man and pitted the 12 most snarky kids together in a fight for the sarcastic title character and a two movie sequel deal. In an arena where words are more valuable than food- who will make it out alive? Will Juno use her fast talking, don’t care about nothing attitude to beat out Scott Pilgrim and his adorkable ability to tell me that he’s in lesbians with me and I totally fall for it? Or will Stewie from Family Guy remain victorious over Pacey from Dawson’s Creek (is that too outdated of a reference)? So many quips, so many references, so little audience reach.

The Snarky Games is a pathetic attempt to draw on the crowd of the Hunger Games for blog views because in only a short 8 days I will have finished my year long blogging venture and then where will I be? WHERE?


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The Real Lives of Popular Fictional Character’s Names

Have you ever thought about what it must be like to have the legal name Marty McFly or Edward Cullen or even Juno McGuff? No? Well wonder no more! Network TV has been pulling quality shows off the air and making way for what Americans really want to see: reality TV.

Coming this fall you’ll get a glimpse into the real life of Harry Potter: painter. Each episode follows the life of a normal person with the unfortunate pleasure of sharing a name with a fictional character that is far more popular than the original namesake. How does Betty Boop spend her days? Find out next week.

The Real Lives of Popular Fictional Character’s Names is the sure fire hit you won’t be able to talk about because you won’t be able to not talk about it. It is just that good. Also, confusing.

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The Paulie Bleeker Story

Paulie has always loved Juno and after years of pining for her, he got his magical chair ride. Only problem is, that minute of passion created an entirely different problem of its own- life. So while Juno was out finding adoptive parents and having inappropriate friendships what was Bleeker supposed to do? You’re about to find out.

With the announcement of Arrested Development returning to Netflix with new episodes and the ever growing popularity of Michael Cera the story you didn’t know you were missing is finally coming to theatre near you. The Paulie Bleeker Story is the companion story to Juno’s hijixs. Go for a run with Paulie, see how uncomfortable Paulie’s prom date- queen of the soup- is. What will Paulie do with a zillion Tic Tacs? How many guitar lessons does it take in order to play Anyone Else But You? Will Bleeker ever get a real chance with Juno? (Of course he will, Juno came out in 2007 we all know how it ends) ((he’s the cheese to her macaroni)) But who wouldn’t want to sit through 78 minutes of adorkableness?

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Juno: The Original Teen Mom (But Like An Ironic Version)

Vanessa Loring: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno MacGuff: Nah… I mean, I’m already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?

Turns out their were a lot more shenanigans Juno could get into with that bun in the oven. When Juno knew she was fertilized down under and trying to find a way to tell Paulie that whilst she wasn’t keeping the fetus she was totes into him, she knew the perfect way to tell that high school crush was with his favorite one calorie breath mint. Only problem was: in a small town such as this, where wanna be parents put ads in the Penny Savor, orange Tic Tacs aren’t exactly easy to come by.

Join Juno and her bestie Leah as they drive from 7-11 to 7-11 looking for Tic Tacs to stuff in Bleekers mailbox that will explain her undying love for the cheese to her macaroni in the indie way only a former stripper could write. What kind of things can a preggo and her BFF with a shotty van get into? What CAN’T they get into?

Will Juno find enough Tic Tacs to express her love and sorrow for getting herself and Bleek into the situation they were in being the school’s cautionary whale? Well, yes of course she does. But without this companion guide to the hit movie you won’t get to see Rainn Wilson as the snarky convenience store clerk say more things about Etch-A-Sketch.

Juno: The Original Teen Mom (But Like An Ironic Version) is the story of one girl no one thought would get pregnant especially by that one guy and it turns out although she was pretending not to be totes in love with him she was and realized it by the end before it was too late. Also, where can I get that Slinky shirt?!?

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