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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

Tag Archives: Garden State

200 Days of Blogging (Mostly) For Your Enjoyment

It has been 200 days, faithful readers. Yeah, I’ll admit it- I didn’t think it would last this long either but here we are. So as any good blog should do, instead of writing new material I’m just going to give you a chance to read all the other GREAT posts and yeah, the fairly terrible ones too. Enjoy! or don’t! but do! cause there are a lot of posts about robots and dinosaurs.

  1. ALWAYS PRE-APPROVED, NEVER APPROVED.
  2. CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, ALIENS DON’T UNDERSTAND MATH: THE PUTTY STORY
  3. ABE LINCOLN: HERO OR HAT ENTHUSIAST?
  4. HUZZAH!
  5. MAMBO IS FOR MURDER
  6. SUBURBAN PNEUMONIA
  7. MY YEAR WITH WHITESNAKE
  8. MY LIFE: A NEW MUSICAL: IN THE KEY OF AWESOME
  9. VHS STORY
  10. ALEX TREBEC? MORE LIKE ALEX TREDOUCHE.
  11. MICHELL’ KELLER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY
  12. IS VIOLENCE WRONG IF IT IS TOTALLY JUSTIFIED?
  13. WINNING, DUH.
  14. SATURDAY MORNING CARTOONS
  15. (WHITE) ((FEMALE)) RAPPER’S LAMENT*
  16. BALD EAGLE SPEAKS OUT IN SUPPORT OF GAY MARRIAGE DURING FREEDOM WEEK AT GEORGE H.W. BUSH ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
  17. BIT MITTLER: FABULIST
  18. THE HILLS ARE ALIVE WITH THE SOUND OF MUSIC: A FIRST HAND ACCOUNT OF THE HORRORS OF LIVING BY A SINGING HILL
  19. THE CANDY MAN CAN’T
  20. EITHER MY APARTMENT IS HAUNTED OR I’M TOTALLY STONED
  21. THE SLIGHTLY LESS CURIOUS CASE OF REVERSE BEN BUTTONISM
  22. OVARIES BEFORE BROVARIES
  23. YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT, BUT WE’RE IN A FIGHT: TALES FROM YOUR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE FRIEND
  24. EGGCELENT: PETER COTTONTAIL’S FIRST EASTER
  25. WHY DON’T WE DO IT IN THE ROAD? …I CAN THINK OF ABOUT 1000 REASONS WHY NOT.
  26. IF YOU HAD TO CHOOSE: A THESIS ON THE PERILS OF MEANINGLESS CHOICES AND JUST HOW MUCH INFLUENCES THESE CHOICES HAVE ON OUR MORAL DEVELOPMENT
  27. TRUMP FOR PRESIDENT!… AND OTHER REASONS NOT-AMERICA HATES AMERICA
  28. PRESENT ME WANTS TO SLAP FUTURE YOU
  29. THE ROYAL WEDDING: AMERICA EDITION
  30. WE BOTH LIVE HERE AND I’M DOING ALL THE WORK: AN OPEN LETTER TO MY CAT
  31. MY ALLERGIES ARE TRYING TO KILL ME…AND NOT SOFTLY.
  32. TALES FROM A DEPRESSED, ANTHROPOMORPHIZED HIPPO
  33. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE ACADEMY…
  34. MOBSTERS OF FOLK: DANGEROUSLY CHILL
  35. JANET: UPSIDE-DOWN
  36. WOULD IT BE WEIRD IF I WANTED TO STEAL THAT KID AND RAISE HIM AS MY OWN? …AND OTHER REASONS I’M SUPPRESSING MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK.
  37. SANTA CLAUS
  38. MAMA WHO BORE ME
  39. A DAY WITH MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
  40. THERE IS SUCH A THING AS A STUPID QUESTION.
  41. DON’T PANIC
  42. WRITERS BLOCK
  43. MRS. BIGGINS SPEAKS OUT AGAINST NECROPHILIA THROUGH VAMPIRE OBSESSION.
  44. ATTACK OF THE KILLER BOREDOM
  45. BRIDESMAIDS
  46. WHO YA GONNA CALL? …MY MOM!
  47. MAKE LIKE A TREE AND GET OUT OF HERE: THE BIFF TANNEN STORY.
  48. THE FIVE YEAR EPIPHANY
  49. GLITCH IN THE MATRIX: PREGNANT EDITION
  50. NON-CONFRONTATIONAL MAN
  51. I CAN DO THAT!
  52. ONE BUG’S LIFE
  53. THE LAST PLACE YOU LOOK.
  54. IF I HAD $1,000,000…
  55. NOT PATRICK SWAYZE
  56. 99 PROBLEMS: THE RAY-Z STORY
  57. SAVED BY THE BELL: THE MIDDLE AGED YEARS
  58. IS IT CONSIDERED MURDER IF I GO BACK IN TIME AND KEEP YOU FROM  BEING BORN? (ASKING FOR A FRIEND)
  59. FRANKLIN THE FEATHER
  60. FIGHT FOR YOUR RIGHT TO PARTY
  61. SGFSWAGASJAMLI: SUPPORT GROUP FOR SUPERHERO WIVES AND GIRLFRIENDS AND SOMETIMES JUST A MINOR LOVE INTEREST
  62. HOMEWARD BOUND: THE INCREDIBLE MUSICAL JOURNEY
  63. WILL YOU GO PEE FOR ME?
  64. THE END OF THE BEGINNING.
  65. 10,000 NIGHTS: A LIGHTNING’S LOVE LETTER TO THUNDER
  66. ADULTERY AND BASTARD CHILDREN: AN AMERICAN PASTIME
  67. THE WIZARD OF ODD
  68. AN OPEN LOVE LETTER TO FOX NEWS FROM THE SIDE OF ME THAT LOVES WATCHING YOU FAIL
  69. E! TRUE HOLLYWOOD STORY: THE CALIFORNIA RAISINS
  70. COME BACK TO TEXAS: NBA FINALS EDITION
  71. THE PERFECT SPACE*
  72. ANNIE 2: LOST IN LONDON
  73. ELMO AFTER DARK: YOU! ME! DANCING!
  74. THE MANY ANNOYANCES OF CALLIOPE JONES
  75. IF MY HEART WERE A HOUSE, YOU’D BE HOME
  76. MAD LIBS: Rejected Book Plot Edition
  77. WALKING IN LOS ANGELES
  78. SUMMER OF 2169
  79. Un-normal
  80. YOU CAN’T SPELL FATHER WITHOUT HAT…IF YOU REARRANGE THE LETTERS…
  81. THE OFTEN UNIQUE AND RARELY EFFECTIVE TEACHINGS OF MR. JONES
  82. BRAD AND JANET GO TO COUPLES THERAPY: SESSION 1
  83. THE ADVENTURES OF SPEEDY THE SECOND AND GLADYS THE IPOD
  84. GRANDMA AND GRANDPA GIVE THEIR GRANDCHILDREN CONFUSING ADVICE THROUGH OLD TIMEY SONGS
  85. WORKING FOR THE WEEKEND
  86. STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
  87. FRANKENSTEIN GOES TO THE PROM
  88. TWICE
  89. WOLVERINE BOY
  90. STUTTER ISLAND
  91. THE GIRL WITH THE OVERDRAFT BANK ACCOUNT
  92. LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE: JULY, JULY!
  93. CHRISTOPHER ROBIN EXPLAINS THE RECESSION TO EVERYONE IN THE HUNDRED ACRE WOODS
  94. LOST: OCEANIC FLIGHT 815: THE ORIGIN STORY
  95. THOMAS JEFFERSON’S WIFE LECTURES HIM FOR HAVING SMALL HANDWRITING
  96. Gay Marriage Will Lead To Classic Songs Being Re-imagined For Same Gender Affections: A Republican’s Fear
  97. DIM DEMOLISHING DEXTER
  98. THE ARIZONA HABOOB DEFENDS ITSELF TO ANGRY COMMUNITIES
  99. SHE-HULK: PMS EDITION
  100. REJECTED BOOK PLOTS: THE CLIP SHOW EDITION
  101. BILLY THE COMEBACK KID
  102. MONDAY MORNING
  103. SAM BEGS TO BE TAKEN HOME: A MODERN LOVE STORY
  104. BEETLEJUICE ORIGINS: BARBARA AND ADAM MAITLAND
  105. TV’S SADDEST AND/OR MOST SHOCKING DEATHS VOL. 1
  106. BATMAN: THE MUSICAL!
  107. O SISTER, WHERE ART THOU?
  108. USA VS JAPAN: SOCCER EDITION
  109. NOTHING EVER HAPPENS ON MARS 2
  110. MURDER ON THE 3RD FLOOR
  111. REFLECTION DAY
  112. ALBERT’S ABYSS
  113. THE NEVER NEVERENDING STORY
  114. THE BALLAD OF LOVE AND HATE
  115. IN ANOTHER LIFE, WHEN WE’RE BOTH CATS
  116. FOREVER 27 CLUB
  117. THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED…
  118. KISS QUICK: THE UNTOLD AURORA TALE
  119. YEAH, I’M IN LOVE WITH AN ANDROID
  120. LIKE A BOSS
  121. LOOK WHO’S TALKING…AGAIN
  122. WEED CARD
  123. SWEET VALLEY HAPPY DAYS
  124. DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES: YOUNGER EDITION
  125. NO!
  126. ANGELS IN THE BACKCOURT
  127. PETER PAN THEORY: AND OTHER WAYS TO NEVER GROW UP
  128. YOU AND ME: THE PEANUT BUTTER AND CHOCOLATE STORY
  129. JOSEPHINE: MY TRANSGENDERED NEIGHBOR
  130. SKINNY LOVE: CONFESSIONS OF AN OVERWEIGHT DRAMA QUEEN
  131. MY GRANDMOTHER, THE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC, WATCHING AN EPISODE OF CHEERS
  132. THEME SONGS FOR SPIN-OFF CHARACTERS FROM ENSEMBLE SHOWS VOL. 1
  133. DANCE ‘TILL THE MORNING LIGHT
  134. MY INAPPROPRIATE LOVE LETTER TO ZACH BRAFF
  135. I’m going to be honest with you dearest internet, this is how my apartment looks at the moment
  136. MY BMF IS WAY BETTER THAN YOUR BFF: BIRTHDAY EDITION
  137. COCOON 3: DIRTY DANCING EDITION
  138. DON’T PANIC: UP IN THE AIR EDITION
  139. GOB: Life After Arrested Development
  140. KICK DRUM HEART
  141. AN OPEN LETTER TO JOEY POTTER SEASON ONE: BE LESS RUDE
  142. FREE WILLY 4: EUTHANASIA EDITION
  143. ROBOT PARADE
  144. HELLO, SUNSHINE
  145. KING OF THE WORLD
  146. NEW YORK I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU’RE BRINGING ME DOWN
  147. I HOPE THAT SOMETHING BETTER COMES ALONG
  148. OVERPOPULATION, UNDER-ORGAN GROWTH
  149. HUMPTY DUMPTY: THE WONDER YEARS
  150. CRUSH(ED)
  151. YOU CALL THAT A HURRICANE? 
  152. THE HUNGRY GAMES
  153. PEN PALS
  154. BUDDY HOLLY, I LOVE YOU
  155. TWO DOLLARS
  156. FREE COFFEE TOWN
  157. HOLDEN
  158. LABOR DAY
  159. OWL’S WELL THAT ENDS WELL
  160. BACK TO THE NINTENDO
  161. THAT GUY
  162. KERMIT GOES TO THE DOCTOR
  163. DEARLY DEVIOUS DEX DEVOURS DAVID
  164. NEVER FORGET
  165. DEBBIE DOWNER GOES TO CHRISTMAS DINNER
  166. GOOD MORNING, COFFEE POT
  167. ENTOURAGE: THE FINAL FINALITY UNTIL THE INEVITABLE MOVIE: TURTLE EDITION
  168. NO SLEEP FOR YOU! TALES FROM THE SOUP NAZI’S BROTHER: SLEEP NAZI
  169. ROBOTS NEED LOVE TOO
  170. KAREN OR THE GIRL WHO WOULD ALWAYS COMPARE HER PEE TIMES TO MOVIES
  171. TIME’S UP
  172. LAST CHANCE
  173. LET’S GO TO THE MALL: BLACK FRIDAY EDITION
  174. DEAR PRUDENCE: THE FIRST DRAFT
  175. JUNO: THE ORIGINAL TEEN MOM (BUT LIKE AN IRONIC VERSION)
  176. HOTEL NÚMERO UNO
  177. MR. HOPE: THE ANXIETY FILLED HIPPO
  178. THE INDIE QUEENS ARE WAITING
  179. EXTREMELY LOUD AND INCREDIBLY CLOSE 2: STILL LOUD. STILL CLOSE.
  180. JURASSIC PARK 4: EVERYTHING IS COOL NOW, I SWEARZIES
  181. MAD (WO)MAN
  182. A LESS HEARTBREAKING WORK OF EXAGGERATED GENIUS
  183. FOREVER COLLEGE
  184. SAY ANYTHING 2
  185. CAPTAIN OBVIOUS: VOLUME 1
  186. PAN AM
  187. THE ENLIGHTENED
  188. RIP PLAYBOY CLUB
  189. ISAD
  190. GEORGE THE GEICO GECKO
  191. THE GIVING TREE GOES TO HAPPY HOUR, HAS ONE TOO MANY AND LET’S THE OTHER TREES KNOW WHAT’S ON HIS MIND
  192. THERE’S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND
  193. FEMALES: THE ORIGINAL WEREWOLVES
  194. MEET THE HANKS’
  195. COMFORTABLE SILENCE
  196. DEXTER: THE CHILDREN’S BOOK
  197. THE SADNESS PARADOX
  198. THE (NOT SO) LITTLE RASCALS
  199. A PACK OF LIONS WATCH THE LION KING 3D ONLY TO REALIZE HOW UNREALISTIC IT IS… IN 2D

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My Inappropriate Love Letter To Zach Braff

 Dear Zach,

This isn’t Guy Love and I’m not in some [Garden] State of denial here, I want you to be my Last Kiss (but without that whole cheating on me thing). Look, I know you have a girlfriend but with The High Cost of Living it seems only fair I tell you how I feel and maybe it can work out and then we can split the cable bill or something. Just let me be the one to tell The Ex, he is always claiming that the sky is falling- such a Chicken Little that one. I’m not sure I’m conveying how deep my love for you runs, I would go as far as OZ to see the wizard for your heart. I would wear Scrubs every day so no other man would ever look at me unless it were to seek medical attention to be your one and only. All I’m saying is I want to explore the infinite abyss…of your penis. WHOA! Was that too far? I knew it the second I said it. Anywho, think it over. Put on some Shins (they’ll change your life) and let me know.

Inappropriately (without actually knowing you but rather the people you portray on TV and in the movies) yours,

Me

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Albert’s Abyss

 “Hey Albert, good luck exploring the infinite abyss”. Those were the last words Albert would ever speak to Andrew Largeman but they were enough.

In the sequel to the indie darling Garden State comes the story of Albert and his wife as they guard the quarry from the dangerous outside world. At least that is what they think they are hired to do. At the bottom is an adventure of epic proportions that HG Wells himself would be proud of. Join Albert and his family as they discover just what happens when you stare down an infinite abyss and decide to explore what is inside. What will fate bring them? (A dinosaur or two if they are lucky)

Albert’s Abyss is a story for the ages about love, loss and the guts it takes to look death in the face and keep going. Hipsters are already hailing its indie soundtrack and claiming it as a cult classic. See it before it becomes cool so you can be the first to say you saw the Garden State sequel before Zach Braff even thought to make a sequel.

 

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