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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

Tag Archives: Children’s Book

Dexter: The Children’s Book

There is no better lesson for a child than the tale of a dark passenger and how to tame that beast to become a moral center for justice instead of the thing justice incites itself upon. And who better to be the face of justice than Dexter Morgan?

In this installment of Dexter: The Children’s Book Dex goes after children who lie about brushing their teeth before bedtime among other parental pet peeves. Sick of your children not picking up their rooms or whining about having to eat vegetables? Dexter is here to help! Can’t get your children to do their homework without constant yelling? Dex will put an end to your suffering! In these thrilling stories, Dexter shows children what a world of disobedience will bring upon them.

You may be saying, “serial killers have no place in my children’s bedtime stories” well you’re probably also the person who can’t get your child to clean up the dog poop in the backyard without some sort of chore wheel. Think of all the time you’ll save by not having to yell at your kids, you can spend more time doing the things you love- like… what did you used to love to do before you had kids? Well, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.

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Good Morning, Coffee Pot

In the follow-up to the widely successful children’s story, Good Night, Moon, comes a tale of a gruff rabbit before her morning coffee. Basically, children- this is a tale that explains why you shouldn’t annoy mommy with tedious (unexciting or snooze-fest, for those of you who read at a second grade level) information like “Mommy, I can’t find my other shoe” or “Mommy, I’m hungry!” or the ever popular “Mommy, Mom, Mommy, Mama, Mommy, Moooooommmmmm!” all before she’s had her first cup of coffee. Watch as mama rabbit turns into rabid mommy rabbit as the questions increase and the caffeine level does not. Then read on as mommy ingests her liquid crack and can face the day wishing inanimate objects good morrow.

This is a MUST HAVE book for any parent who just wants to be left the hell alone before the coffee buzz can kick in. Good Morning, Coffee Pot is not for morning people or people with children or people who enjoy well written books or for people who don’t understand the debilitation the addiction to coffee can cause. It is a book for people who like looking at pictures of rabbits saying good morning to things!

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Holden

The thing you don’t know about Holden is that he is the first cat superhero. I don’t want to make y’all jealous here, but my cat is pretty much why they had to invent the phrase “the cat’s meow”. Now, I’m not one of those crazy cat owners (I only have one and have only put him in an outfit once) ((It was Christmas)) (((It was just a hat and he was SUPER cute))) ((((see:)))) He can be a little camera shy in the absolutely adorable way as you can clearly see. He doesn’t want a lot of people to know his true superhero identity. Only, I wasn’t as careful and I got us into some pretty hot water. For years the Evil League of Evil has been searching for Holden to finally put an end to all of his superhero amazingness! A glass of wine and a Facebook photo later, I accidentally told the world where to find Holden.

The next day, after the Evil League of Evil found out Holden’s true identity, I was captured and held for ransom and it was up to Holden to find a way out. Can Holden find me and save the day again? Or will he use up his nine lives trying? Part one in this edge of your seat trilogy- this is a story you won’t want to miss!

Holden is the children’s tale of how one cat was a little more extraordinary than the rest and the lengths he goes to saves the one he loves most.

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