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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

One Week

There is only one week left on my Julie and Julia blogging venture and it is giving me a strong writer’s block. I want to end this year strong so I’m psyching myself out. But who am I kidding, of course my last week will be epic- the rest of the year has been. Also, you’d think if after a year of putting myself out there and letting myself be venerable and stupid for tens of people I’d be more humble…

The Snarky Games

In a world where snarky teenage kids are portrayed in popular culture more often than Pepsi product placement, it has become clear that something must be done. So finally Miramax has stood up for the common man and pitted the 12 most snarky kids together in a fight for the sarcastic title character and a two movie sequel deal. In an arena where words are more valuable than food- who will make it out alive? Will Juno use her fast talking, don’t care about nothing attitude to beat out Scott Pilgrim and his adorkable ability to tell me that he’s in lesbians with me and I totally fall for it? Or will Stewie from Family Guy remain victorious over Pacey from Dawson’s Creek (is that too outdated of a reference)? So many quips, so many references, so little audience reach.

The Snarky Games is a pathetic attempt to draw on the crowd of the Hunger Games for blog views because in only a short 8 days I will have finished my year long blogging venture and then where will I be? WHERE?

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The Goodwill Hunting

Never before has America come up with such a genius idea: donate your old hunting gear for a tax break and give poor people a chance to murder their own food. How do you like them apples?

No one ever thought this could possibly be a bad idea but when the lights go out and the store comes to life after hours, the stories these cross-bows and guns share is downright haunting.

The Goodwill Hunting is the story of one Boston town who thought it might be funny to make a pun out of a legitimately useful organization and an Academy Award winning film without thinking through the repercussions. It’s not your fault. I know. No man, it’s not your fault. I know. NO, it’s not your fault. *crying*

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Riddle Me This

So I get that Operation is a silly skill game. Of course it is! And I get that Star Wars Operation is also a silly skill game. Duh! Here’s my issue, how is SpongeBob Operation just a flat out skill game?!? What world do we live in where SpongeBob is the least silly of all?

 

Latest Mistake

Always bet on black. Why didn’t I listen? My latest mistake was how much I believed in the future. I don’t know why I thought I could beat the house by betting my own. It just seemed like it was my turn to shine. After 31 years of terrible luck, I thought I was due for a change. I wasn’t.

Latest Mistake is the story of one man who thought he could win the love of a woman at the casino by betting everything he owned right before her shift ended in some grand romantic gesture. He couldn’t. She went home with her boyfriend. He went home to pack. Other stuff happens too. Like a backstory. And plot. A little rising action. Also, conflict! No resolution thought. Just like life.

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Prohibition Smohibition

I first started traveling through history to learn about other cultures and times and really remember just how much better I am than everyone else. I mean, I live in the time of jet packs and TIME TRAVEL!! It’s great that you built an airplane and all but get back to me when that plane flies through dimensions. So when my TTM (Time Traveling Machine) broke down in the 1920’s I thought it can’t be that bad. I could hang out in some jazz bars and go home with a few flappers until I could get my TTM fixed. Did you know there was a time where alcohol was outlawed?!?! What the what? Why would anyone want to ban booze?

Prohibition Smohibition is the story of one time traveling man who got stuck in history without his trusty friends Jack, Jose and Jimmy. Can he make it out alive? Will he learn a lesson before the stock market crashes?

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I should have named my cat Ford Prefect on account of how much he loves towels*

*If you didn’t just get my hilarious joke- get off of WordPress and pick up The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. If you did get my joke- well done. Now take a break.

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