November 22, 2011 Rejected Book Plot #236
Ketchup: The Everyman Condiment
It’s no secret that ketchup has political aspirations. The way it markets itself as a condiment for roughly anything: fries, hamburgers, hot dogs. That arrogant son of a bitch is even claiming to be delicious on eggs. It is the condiment for Middle America- not too zesty nor spicy. It is just bland enough to be overlooked and, according to Ketchup, that is exactly what America needs. Can Ketchup be the thing that America is missing or will it simply be that the Mustard has gone bad and there is not another option except for Relish and no one really likes Relish.
So ask yourself, in 2012 do you want to stick with the condiment that isn’t living up to its promises and likely isn’t even from America? Or do you want a change for something far worse? The choice is yours, America. (Although the right choice is still Mustard) ((Always Mustard))*
Ketchup: The Everyman Condiment is a look at this upcoming election year through the eyes of condiments to make explaining our political system to your children even more confusing and yet astronomically more delicious.
*Ketchup is the Republican party and Mustard the Democratic party. You get that, right? Totes.