October 8, 2011 Rejected Book Plot #191
The Giving Tree Goes To Happy Hour, Has One Too Many And Let’s The Other Trees Know What’s On His Mind
“OK, it’s one thing to take a piece of fruit from me, you’re a boy I totes get it. Then you want some shade, okie dokie it’s hot outside- I got you! Then you want to use my branch as a swing. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to have a growing boy plop on your arm and swing it in all directions?” said The Giving Tree. “What’s next? Cut me down to build a boat?”
ONE WEEK LATER
“Guys, HE WANTS TO BUILD A BOAT OUT OF ME! Who the fuck does this kid think I am? His genie in a bottle? Yeah, Mike I know I’m the mother fucking giving tree but when does giving become sacrificing? And when does sacrificing become martyrdom? Has this boy even asked my name? NO! Has he ever offered me a bite of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich? NOPE! Oh man, I could really go for a PB&J right now,” lamented The Giving Tree.
THE NEXT MORNING
“Where am I? I’ve got to lay off the Gin and Tonics but they taste like a pine tree and I love a strong pine… Who are you?” The Giving Tree panicly asked.
THAT SAME AFTERNOON AFTER GOING TO A CLINIC TO GET TESTED AND REALIZED HIS WALK OF SHAME WAS ALSO A WALK OF AWAKENING AND NO MATTER HOW MUCH THE BOY ASKED OF HIM HE SHOULD OFFER BECAUSE DEEP DOWN HE LOVED THE BOY AND ALSO HAD A DRINKING PROBLEM.
“Cut me down, anything you need- I’m you’re tree. Let’s sail away.”