September 17, 2011 Rejected Book Plot #170
Karen Or The Girl Who Would Always Compare Her Pee Times To Movies
Karen was never what others would refer to as normal. In fact, she was the person who when people would ask about Karen it was always followed but a pause, eye roll and sigh before any remarks were made. You may think that we are being harsh when it comes to Karen. Here’s the thing: every time she goes to the ladies room to relieve herself of the constant stream of water and coffee that she ingests throughout the day she always relates it to some movie. Not some movie, A League of Their Own. Let me elaborate- if Karen is ever peeing for more than a minute she will always, and I mean always when I say this, say she feels like Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own. You know the scene, where he is in the locker room before the first game piss drunk and then pees for an insanely long time. So long in fact that Madonna or Rosie, one of the two, starts to time it. I want to say Rosie but if history has taught us anything it is that Rosie would have steered clear of the men’s locker room. I don’t know if Karen does this because she doesn’t want others to think she is doing more than peeing or if it is because she really wants to be a member of the Peaches but trust me it is weird. Who in their right mind talks about urinating times and then goes out of their way to work popular culture into it? Karen, that’s who. Right mind is still up for debate.
Then one night Karen found herself at an awards gala and guess who was there? I’ll give you a moment to shout out some answers… YES! Tom Hanks! Naturally, Karen wanted to have a pee-off with Mr. Hanks to see who could urinate the longest.
Can Karen convince a major movie star to drink a lot and hold it only to time how long it takes to relieve himself and compare his time to hers? Does Karen even realize that A League of Their Own is a fictional piece of history much like this blog piece? When I talk about Karen am I really just projecting what I do when I pee for a super long time and feel weird about it when others are waiting for me that I break the non-existent tension by quipping about how I feel like Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own? (maybe.) ((yes.))