August 29, 2011 Rejected Book Plot #151
You Call THAT a Hurricane?
You call that a hurricane, Irene? In my day hurricanes caused some real damage. It wasn’t all about being prepared and then being downgraded to a tropical storm. No, no! Back in 1998 when Mitch was charge, I knew how to do it up right! I was responsible for nearly 36 inches of rain in Honduras — caused flooding and landslides which killed 13,000–20,000 people, left over 3 million homeless, and caused catastrophic damage throughout Honduras and neighboring countries. Your big death toll is a whopping 19. Not to say those lives aren’t important but you are like the nerd of hurricanes: weak.
Sure Mitch, you were the shit of storms in the 1900’s but I’m The Great Hurricane of 1780! I killed well over 25,000 people and I destroyed the Bahamas. You think they are a vacation destination now? Well, you should have seen them 231 years ago! I was a six day, 200 mph hell storm. Coming in the midst of the American Revolution, I caused heavy losses to British and French fleets contesting for control of the area. I affected a war, what did you two ever do?
You Call THAT a Hurricane? is a story of weather fighting for bragging rights in a really weird, somewhat inappropriate way. The winner doesn’t even get a trophy or anything so it is kind of pointless but it will make for a great line in their wikipedia page.