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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

Humpty Dumpty: The Wonder Years

Humpty Dumpty wasn’t always known for being cracked and the subject of a rhyme every five year old from here to Timbuktu knew. In fact, was he was 17 he fell for a girl- her name was Caroline. They were as happy as happy could be but her family didn’t approve of the human-egg relationship so wanted to put an end to it. Caroline’s father demanded that she break up with Humpty before she got herself pregnant and learned the answer of which came first: the chicken or the egg. If she didn’t, she would be disowned from her family. Humpty fought for Caroline’s father’s respect and tried to show him that there was such much more to him than his eggsterior (Egg Pun Alert!). However Mr. Sapian still couldn’t get over the inherent differences so continued to forbid their relationship. When it became too much, Caroline and Humpty made a pact to run away together. They decided the night of graduation Humpty would meet Caroline at the brick wall on Fairy Tale Lane at midnight and the two would ride off into the distance towards their happier ever after.

So Humpty got to the wall and waited. He waited through the night, Caroline was no where to be found. Thinking she must have just gotten caught up at her friend’s graduation party, he waited the entire day on that wall until it became clear that Caroline was not coming. Humpty didn’t want to believe what was in front of him and knew he couldn’t go on without her. You see children, Humpty didn’t “have a great fall”, he jumped. His heart was broken into a million pieces and he wanted his outside to look like his insides felt. Sadly, Caroline realized she had made a mistake and came after Humpty but it was too late. All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put Humpty together again.

Makes you think, eh? What’s the real story with the Big Bad Wolf? Was Goldilocks just OCD? Was the witch from Hansel and Gretel really a witch or just didn’t want any trespassers on her land? Everything you know about Fairy Tales will be turned on its head (much like Humpty) ((Moral of this tale: Wear your helmet whilst sitting on walls, kids!))


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