June 14, 2011 Rejected Book Plot #75
If My Heart Were A House, You’d Be Home
Jack and Diane were high school sweethearts, the kind everyone knows will get married and have babies and seemingly live happily ever after. And that is exactly what they did. After high school they got married and went off to college and were on their way to a fairy tale ending but the War on Hilarity changed all that. When Al Qaeda declared laughing a sin against Allah, America couldn’t just sit idly by. We sent a lot of good men to die in that war… of laughter. Being the class clown Jack couldn’t just let this injustice slide without fighting, comedy was in his blood and his blood ran red, white and blue. Against the pleas of his wife, Jack enlisted to fight in the great War on Hilarity.
Over the next four years Jack would face his toughest critics. Whenever he thought he couldn’t make it and just wanted to come home where The Office was on TV 75 times a week, Diane would remind him “If my heart were a house, you’d be home.” This would make Jack laugh because no one’s heart is a house and his faith would be restored in laughter and his resolution stronger to bring a smile to those terrorists faces.
Is this a war America can win? After so much crying and so little laughing, when Jack comes home will he ever be the same? If My Heart Were A House, You’d Be Home is a gripping tale the cost of war has on a marriage and shows with the right joke and timing there is nothing that can’t be fixed by laughter.