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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

Tales from a depressed, anthropomorphized hippo

Gus fancied himself a normal guy. He liked to play poker and drink beer and have an occassional go at Grand Theft Auto. In a world of hippos he was the hippest. At least that is what he would tell people. In reality, well his reality in our reality hippos neither talk nor buy lattes with exact change, he was a sad guy. His mother used to always say “Depression is like herpes, sure you can have symptom-free days but a flare up is just around the corner” he never understood that saying until recently. Last month Judy, Gus’ long time girlfriend, dumped him for a cheetah named Chester sending Gus into a deep depression.

After a month of Lucky Charms and vodka he knew if he wanted to get over Judy he would have to do something drastic. Everywhere he turned there were remnants of her. The desk lamp she bought so she could see the paper better to make her drawings. Then there were the drawing, oh God the fucking drawings! They were plastered all over his house, drawings of everything from bowls of bleeding fruit to frogs raining from the sky. Looking back, Judy was a bit dramatic. Gus knew he didn’t want her back, he just wanted over her and erased from his mind. Just as he thought of how nice it would be to erase every trace of her a flyer slide under his door.

DID YOUR GIRL LEAVE YOU FOR ANOTHER SPECIES?

DO YOU WANT TO RID HER FROM YOUR MEMORY?

COME TO GRAND BLVD BUILDING 4

TODAY AT 2:13:59 FOR CLOSURE!

Gus was skeptical but was willing to do anything. What lay ahead for Gus was a journey not even Charlie Kaufman could have dreamt of…

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