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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

Why Don’t We Do It In The Road? …I can think of about 1000 reasons why not.

  1. I don’t need another public indecency charge on my record
  2. Pedestrians!
  3. Roads are dirty whether asphalt or dirt or brick or yellow or long and winding or revolutionary
  4. Of all the Beatles songs why would this be the one you wanted to act out, how about Yellow Submarine or Revolution?
  5. Rocks can get in crevices…uncomfortable crevices
  6. Cars!
  7. People singing while watching through their third story window
  8. It is sure to make the nightly news, my grandmother does not need to see that
  9. You shouldn’t be able to find your post coitus cigarette on the ground half smoked
  10. Trucks!
  11. What if the road is by a golf course, I don’t need any more balls in the mix
  12. I could get sunburned in uncomfortable places
  13. Roadrash
  14. Bicycles!
  15. What if it is in the early morning and a paperboy sees us? We could scar him for life…or be legends (put this on the maybe list)
  16. I know where I’ve been and you know where you’ve been but where has the road been?!?
  17. Mosquitos
  18. Skateboards!
  19. If it is a full moon this will NOT be the reason I get bit and turn into Teen Wolf!!
  20. Are we bringing our own bedding? Who will pay for the dry cleaning?
  21. What if we buy pot from an undercover police officer before hand to take the edge off and then get arrested?
  22. Speed Walkers!
  23. You know I like a soundtrack, will we be using a boombox? We have to get batteries for that
  24. I don’t want the early morning bread delivery truck driver judging us
  25. Are we talking like in the road in the road or next to the road?
  26. Clowns!
  27. Think about the homeless who can’t get any, why rub it in their face- they already don’t have a home.
  28. What if that is the moment aliens decide to make contact and us doing it in the road is the first thing they see and they think we are an indecent race and wipe us out because we don’t bother to mate indoors?!? DO YOU WANT TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR WIPING OUT HUMANITY?
  29. I have a headache
  30. Blimps!

That is only the beginning in a long list of perfectly resonable reasons. If you ever want to do it indoors again, don’t ever ask me for road sex, bucko.


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