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Rejected Book Plots

Not every book can be the next Twilight

Either my apartment is haunted or I’m totally stoned

I don’t want to freak you out here, but I think my apartment is haunted. Hear me out, I was just sitting here and my DVD’s just fell over. I mean they fell the fuck over man, I WAS ON THE COUCH! Then I went to unplug my router and the light stayed on. Are you hearing me? There it was, totally unplugged AND THE POWER LIGHT WAS STILL ON!!!

Next day I was in my room, minding my own business and I heard a knock at my door. I went to answer the door, NO ONE WAS THERE! If that isn’t a ghost, I don’t know what is. Then, over Christmastime I spelled out in magnets “Merry Christmas from the Kellers” when I woke up the next morning and it mysteriously SAID THIS:

Honestly, can there be another explanation? Sometimes, I just sit and stare at my giant hands and a chill runs down my spine. I’m all, YOU CAN’T TAKE OVER THIS BODY PATRICK SWAYZE! I DON’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE POTTERY. OR DRIVE BIG TRUCKS. PEOPLE PUT ME IN CORNERS ALL THE TIME! BE GONE!!

I swearzies, this apartment is super haunted… or I’m really high.

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